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Submitted by Agnes Carson
January, 2010: a new page on the calendar of both a New Year and a new decade, with a blue moon on New Year’s Eve!
- What will it bring?
- What are you hopeful about?
- What are you glad to release or discard?
- What will you bring to light and to others the coming year?
For most of us, the start of a new year is a time of transition and reflection. I’ve always liked New Year’s Eve:
- crisp and exciting in the Northeast
- a feeling of renewed determination to meet the New Year ahead, full of promise, fresh ideas, and unmade plans.
This week I just happened to pick up a copy of a friend’s book, Moving On, by Sarah Ban Breathnach and noticed a line which has stayed with me since:
“Endings: Every beginning has one, damn it. And in between the endgame we never expected and the fresh start we never wanted lies a terrifying gap of uncertainty: the Transition.”
This got me thinking about transitions and the things they bring out in us. COURAGE was the first word that came to mind. It’s interesting to find the word “rage” tucked inside it, plus the root “cour” which means “heart” and is central in the romance languages. In my thinking, it does take significant courage to face and to feel everything a year presents to us:
- to experience grief
- to see one’s retirement income shrink
- to lose a job or a house, to face mortality and disease
…and in the midst of it all to continue to grow and love, to forgive, to have faith, and to share one’s gifts.
When the unexpected happens, when our worlds get turned upside down (whether a little or a lot), or when we are fearful of what might happen next, that’s when we need courage. Courage helps us to accept our circumstances, to get going and stay motivated so we can do the required work, and to remain authentically ourselves as best as we can, until such time as we can see this time of transition as a gift and an opportunity.
This year I confess I have never been so glad to say goodbye to one year and open my life to the next. I’ve needed my fair share of courage this past year. In January, at the very start of 2009, my family was preparing for the first anniversary of the passing of my sister’s only daughter, my bright and beautiful godchild. We’ll never stop hurting over her loss but I had been praying that we could soon begin to shift from a place of sheer heartache to a healing heart-space filled with wonderful, cherished memories.
While bracing for that particular time of transition, many new and unexpected events began to show up at my door like “uninvited guests” who decided to move in. For starters, along with many other talented and hardworking colleagues at my workplace, I was faced with a downsize during the worst job market any of us have ever experienced. The blows to my personal and financial esteem were sizeable.
The next unwelcome visitor that showed up, following months of tests and surgeries: breast cancer. That really got my attention. Enough, enough! But soon after this came the sudden ending of a serious relationship I had come to cherish and had expected to count on for support while weathering these significant storms in my life. I was told by friends, “You just faced the ‘trifecta’, and we don’t mean that in a good way.” All I can say is that, for a while, it was like hurtling through the sky in a freefall without ever intending to jump out of a plane.
The love and patience that was showered on me during that time by so many different people got me thinking about how I, in turn, could be there for others in an authentic, heartfelt way. To me, this means refraining from empty platitudes, paying attention to others’ unique tempos, and not rushing them to get to a “better place” to accommodate my timetable.
Here’s what I did:
- After taking some time to deeply feel my hurt and my fear, I started to pray for guidance, then began to move, both inside and out.
- I volunteered to help others (offered my coaching, career planning, and resume writing skills to service men and women reentering the work place).
- I offered support to others facing the physical and emotional toll of disease
- I continued to sponsor a little boy in Ethiopia, and I created a new, supportive network for colleagues seeking their next career step.
- I have been especially energized by applying my corporate human resource experience and my skills in learning and developing new talents to join forces with Steve Goldberg and a group of other highly talented and committed individuals to help create an ongoing vision and plan for the evolution of the web project www.upsidetothedownturn.com.
In life, as we continue to move from where we are now to where we are going next, we have the opportunity to pause and view this unique point in time as a portal between what was, and what will be/become. Our moving can take many forms, including:
- physical (moving or exercise)
- emotional (letting go and welcoming the new)
- spiritual (coming to a deeper awareness and understanding), and
- utilizing our talents (recognizing them and using them well).
As we turn the current page, we can benefit from an intentional turn for a meaningful glance (or a penetrating stare) backwards, followed by a courageous step forward.
Dare I say it?
Yes! With gratitude for all that I faced in 2009, “Bring it on, 2010!”
Contributed by Steve Goldberg
Of the multitude of books written about happiness, Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert (Random House, 2006) is one of my favourites and, in literary circles, one of the most respected. Gilbert combines incredible wit with powerful and compelling research.

Gilbert is a professor of social psychology at Harvard University who himself makes for a great Upside story. According to his bio, at age 19 he was a high school dropout with dreams of writing science fiction. When a creative writing class at his community college was full, he enrolled in the only available course: psychology. He found his passion there, went on to earn a doctorate in social psychology in 1985 at Princeton, and has since won a Guggenheim Fellowship and the Phi Beta Kappa teaching prize for his work at Harvard.
His major premise in the book is that we as humans are very poor predictors of what will bring us future happiness.
The cover description of the book points out that:
“in our ardent, lifelong pursuit of happiness, most of us have the wrong map. In the same way that optical illusions fool our eyes—and fool everyone’s eyes in the same way—Gilbert argues that our brains systematically misjudge what will make us happy. And these quirks in our cognition make humans very poor predictors of our own bliss.”
Gilbert recently did a brilliant talk for Ted.com about his ideas:
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/97
At one point he cites research on lottery winners as well as people who became wheel chair bound due to a traumatic accident. Not surprisingly, the lottery winners expressed a higher level of initial enthusiasm. However, as little as a year later both groups statistically self-reported equal measures of overall happiness and appreciation for life.
It made me wonder, is it possible that we overestimate the satisfaction and happiness that money, acquisitions, and status will bring to our life and at the same time underestimate the learning and insights that often occur when we take the time — or are forced to take the time — to reflect and learn from challenging circumstances?
I personally agree with psychotherapist and author Thomas Moore’s premise in his 1992 book Care of the Soul: that perhaps our most opportune times to cultivate depth and genuineness in our lives—to grow and develop soul—are those when we are out of balance, shaken out of the comfort of our usual day-to-day patterns and the sleepy reverie they induce. It is at times like these that we are brought back to basics, including a fresh and searching look at what really matters to us and what brings meaning to our lives.
Questions:
- What currently brings you happiness in your life? Do you have a sense of what will bring you happiness in the future?
- Daniel Gilbert believes that because we are such poor predictors of our future happiness the best way to predict our future happiness is to speak to others who have accomplished or possess something that we desire. Have you had experience with this method? What did you learn about yourself?

Good news heralds us from the current (11/23/09) issue of Time Magazine. The word is that some aspects of the current recession appear to have made people feel better!
The article refers to Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index Study¹, which has been following health and well-being data since its launch in January 2008.
The study was designed to function like a Dow Jones average of attitude. At least 1,000 people are surveyed daily, 350 days a year.
According to the results, when the stock markets dropped dramatically last fall overall happiness did too; and anyone who lost his or her job, house, or health care is probably still in a world of pain.
But here’s the really interesting finding: overall well-being was higher in the summer of 2009 than it was in the previous summer, before the impact of the recession was fully upon us. In fact, the latest report finds America’s happiness at an all-time high!
According to the article everyone – or at least everyone who claims to be happy – seems to have some reason for finding an “upside to the downturn.”
This data reinforces the observations made in our inaugural web column in March 2009. We noted that despite hardship, fear, and worry about the future, a number of people reported that their lives had also improved in some ways.
These included:
- Spending more quality time with family and friends
- Becoming more resilient and re-prioritizing key aspects of their lives
- Reflecting on and shifting their core values, lifestyles, and spending habits
- Reaching out and helping others, even when their personal financial situation was deteriorating
Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar this past year?
We invite you to take some time over this Thanksgiving break to consider the potential upsides to the downturn in your own life, as well as the ways in which you and your loved ones may have become stronger and healthier individuals as a result of the current constraints.
Best wishes to our American readers for a wonderful, gratitude-filled Thanksgiving!
¹ Healthways Well-Being Index Data, U.S. Composite and Life Evaluation Score
- Based on 31,523 surveys completed in October 2009. Total of 655,061 since January 2, 2008
http://www.well-beingindex.com/files/GallupHealthwaysWBIReport_102009.pdf

Research released in the September 28th online edition of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggests that during the Great Depression and other major economic downturns the average life expectancy in the United States actually rose! Yes, you read this correctly!
These were the unexpected findings of University of Michigan researchers José Tapia Granados and Ana Diez Roux when they examined American historical life expectancy and mortality data for the years 1920 to 1940. Specifically, they found that life expectancy during the Great Depression increased by 6.2 years — from 57.1 years in 1929 to 63.3 years in 1933. The increase held for men and women, including white and non-white populations.
I found this data fascinating because I assumed—like most people, according to the researchers—that periods of high unemployment would be more harmful to health than economically better times. A related finding from the study that is equally counter-intuitive is this: mortality rates (the number of deaths) increased during periods of strong economic expansion, such as in 1923, 1926, 1929 and 1936-37.
What could this research be telling us? If we were to view old black and white film footage taken during the Great Depression—such as scenes showing people out of work, or waiting for handouts in bread lines—we would be more likely to see evidence of pain and struggle than images reflecting robust health and well-being. Yet something seems to be going on in challenging times that motivates us to dig in, persevere, and even live longer on average than we do in easier times.
These findings reinforce my view and personal experience that in times of crisis and challenge, our clarity and focus might actually be improved. Could it be that—once we get over the initial shock, fear, and/or anger about our difficult circumstances—our attention is more focused and we engage in resourceful ways of thinking and problem-solving that may be more productive with even better results than in more “normal” times?
Questions for Consideration:
- How has the current economic downturn impacted your thoughts, feelings and behaviour during the past year?
- Have you noticed ways that you have become stronger, more resourceful, and perhaps even more satisfied with some aspects of your life?
Please use the link below share your thoughts with the Upside community.
Submitted by Sharon Roberts
It’s happened to me again: a child teaching me a stunningly powerful lesson! I never would have imagined that a cute, little six-year-old would have the solution to a vexing business issue, but she did…and then some!
My granddaughter D’Arcy’s face lit up as she happily told me about all the great things going on in her first grade class this year, including her pleasure that her best friend was with her and her relief that another girl, who had bullied the other children last year, was not. Following her theme, I asked D’Arcy, “I wonder why it is that some children say and do mean and hurtful things to other children?” With a thoughtful look on her face, D’Arcy answered, “Maybe they don’t know about the bucket.” Noticing the perplexed look on my face, she inquired, “You don’t know about the bucket?” I confessed that I didn’t, but assured her that I really did want to know.
This was her passionate explanation: “Everyone has an invisible bucket and everyone needs to get their bucket filled up. You fill up their bucket when you say nice things to people and do nice things for them. And when you fill up their bucket, it fills up your bucket too!”
Talk about filling your bucket! Mine was spilling over like a waterfall at this point…
She then went on to explain that it’s very important to be sure that we are “bucket fillers”—every day—to the members of our family and to our friends and teachers. After a brief pause, a very concerned look came across her face as she continued, “You don’t want to be a bucket dipper and go dipping in people’s buckets! See, everyone has a dipper too and when you say or do mean and hurtful things, you’re dipping into their bucket and that empties out their bucket and makes them very sad and makes them feel bad. And when you dip into their bucket, it empties your bucket too and makes you feel sad too. So, you don’t want to be a bucket dipper! We want to be bucket fillers!”
A little while later, looking quite sad, she told me: “Sometimes I forget, and I’m a bucket dipper. But Asher (her eight-year-old brother) reminds me I was a bucket dipper. Then I apologize and that fills up his bucket and fills up my bucket too.”
I put my arms around her and hugged her close. D’Arcy had just shared a most powerful and beautiful lesson with me, one I was soon able to pass on to others at work. I was curious to know where she learned about the bucket and dipper and asked her. It turns out that the counselor at her school, Venesa Sokolovic, is sharing this powerful lesson with her students to help put an end to bullying in schools. And Venesa has this teaching available to her thanks to another amazing woman, Carol McCloud, who created a wonderful book for children entitled Have You Filled a Bucket Today?
Back to my vexing business issue…I had been searching and meditating for “that special something” that would sink into the hearts of the deeply divided executive team I was flying off to work with in just three days. I knew instantly that the bucket lesson was the very thing needed to help bridge the impasse. And, oh what a gift it was! The impact of the story on my clients was beyond the beyond. And it reportedly continues to ripple throughout the organization, including to family members. The CEO is thrilled with what is happening and so am I.
This is very impactful for me personally as I see evidence of bullying in so many organizations. Passionate counselors such as Venesa are helping to change this situation by reaching little ones early, helping them to understand that they are powerful in that they each contribute to creating a positive culture by making good choices in what they say and do with each interaction, every single day: Stop – Think – Choose. When they are having trouble choosing what to say or do, they are to ask themselves these questions: “Will this be good for them?” And, “Will it also be good for me?”
The Bucket Story exemplifies a simple, profound process that can work for anyone; at any age and in any setting. I shared with Venesa my outcome at work and she was completely overcome!
Epilogue
I was very curious about the full history behind the bucket story and thought that you might be too. Here is the rest of the story….
Carol McCloud, the woman who inspired Venesa, first heard the idea that a bucket symbolically represented a person’s self-concept—or mental and emotional health—at an early childhood conference in the 1990’s. It was Dr. Donald O. Clifton (1924-2003) who first created the “Dipper and Bucket” story in the 1960’s and it has been passed along ever since. Dr. Clifton later went on to co-author, with his grandson Tom Rath, the New York Times bestseller How Full Is Your Bucket? The children’s version of the book is entitled How Full Is Your Bucket? for Kids. Dr. Clifton was cited by the American Psychological Association as the Father of Strengths Psychology and the Grandfather of Positive Psychology.
What a gift to all of us!
So… how many buckets have you filled today?
Please use the link below share your thoughts with the Upside community.
And as a special bonus, here are few moments of beautiful words and music to help fill your bucket, so you can get out there and fill others’ buckets too!
What a Wonderful World
By Louis Armstrong
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They’re really saying I love you.
I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.
Happy Thanksgiving Canada! For those in other parts in the world, Canada celebrates Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October. Unlike the American tradition of remembering pilgrims and settling in the New World, Canadians give thanks for a successful harvest.

The history of Thanksgiving in Canada goes back to an English explorer, Martin Frobisher, who had been trying to find a northern passage to the Orient. In the year 1578, he held a formal ceremony, in what is now called Newfoundland, to give thanks for surviving the long journey. This is considered the first Canadian Thanksgiving. Other settlers arrived and continued these ceremonies. He was later knighted and had an inlet of the Atlantic Ocean in northern Canada named after him – Frobisher Bay
One of the core Upside values is gratitude, and Thanksgiving, or any day for that matter, is a great opportunity to take time personally and with loved ones to reflect on our present lives and as well as our future hopes and dreams.
There is of course much that is wrong, challenging and difficult in our world today and it is easy to be consumed by it. At the same time there is much that is right. As I shared when I first introduced this column 6+ months ago, there have been some powerful individual shifts in many people as a result of our challenging economic times.
These shifts may be worth repeating:
Despite hardship, fear and worry about the future, a number of people report that their lives have also improved in some of the following ways:
- Spending more quality time with family and friends
- Becoming more resilient and re-prioritizing key aspects of their lives
- Reflecting on and shifting their core values, lifestyles and spending habits
- Reaching out and helping others, even when their personal financial situation is deteriorating
Reflecting on your own experience over the last year or so…
- How well does your life parallel the above observations?
- What things are you particularly grateful for?
Happy Thanksgiving and Gratitude Day to everyone….
Submitted by Michele Fogal
My husband has recently been suffering from a mysterious and debilitating illness. It’s like an episode of the show “House” around here: trips to the ER, baffled doctors, concerned family, and inconclusive tests. The working diagnosis (meaning, the best guess so far) is that he has a hole in the lining of his brain and his spinal fluid is leaking out. Dry brain is no picnic, let me tell you. Anyway, as he lay around this summer, unable to sit or stand for weeks on end, my heart went out to him and I felt a new closeness to him that I have always yearned to attain.
Back in the early days of my marriage, I looked around at other married couples with dread. Were wives always bitter and husbands always distant? Was this what staying married had to be like? It scared me, the number of marriages around me that seemed deeply dysfunctional and angry.
This started me on a life-long pursuit of “the better marriage”. I have sought out and carefully studied those rare couples that really seem to be making it work. What I have witnessed is this: they don’t actually get along! It’s not that they’ve stopped butting in, ignoring, bossing around, stubbornly resisting, and endlessly repeating all the other habits that drive each other crazy. They have just learned to participate in the banter with humour and affection.
I believe that every downturn in life can end up having long-term positive effects. But this hole in the brain thing…how could there be any upside to this?
What I’ve found is that illness has bled away the small stuff of life and revealed that the things we normally fret over are not important at all. I’ve re-found my deep affection for my husband’s self-reliance and firm independence and can laugh at the fact that these are the very attributes that make him a difficult patient to care for. His illness has given me the gift of humour and affection, and these allow me to fully experience my love for him.
It brings new meaning to the phrase “I need that like I need a hole in the head.” You never know what disasters might be great opportunities dressed in ridiculous costumes. Perhaps someday, I will glance back at life itself and feel sincere affection for its zany, hilarious charm.
The link below leads to a TED talk about the brain, illness and the strange strokes of fate that can turn life in a new direction. Not suitable for the medically squeamish!
Questions to consider:
- Have you seen illness have a positive effect on someone close to you?
- Are there “disasters” in your own life that have turned out to be blessings? Has “bad luck” ever pushed you to make major positive change in your life?
- Do you believe that every downturn in life can end up with long-term positive effects? If so, how does this faith affect your life?







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