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Submitted by Michele Fogal

My husband has recently been suffering from a mysterious and debilitating illness. It’s like an episode of the show “House” around here: trips to the ER, baffled doctors, concerned family, and inconclusive tests. The working diagnosis (meaning, the best guess so far) is that he has a hole in the lining of his brain and his spinal fluid is leaking out. Dry brain is no picnic, let me tell you. Anyway, as he lay around this summer, unable to sit or stand for weeks on end, my heart went out to him and I felt a new closeness to him that I have always yearned to attain.

Back in the early days of my marriage, I looked around at other married couples with dread. Were wives always bitter and husbands always distant? Was this what staying married had to be like? It scared me, the number of marriages around me that seemed deeply dysfunctional and angry.

This started me on a life-long pursuit of “the better marriage”. I have sought out and carefully studied those rare couples that really seem to be making it work. What I have witnessed is this: they don’t actually get along! It’s not that they’ve stopped butting in, ignoring, bossing around, stubbornly resisting, and endlessly repeating all the other habits that drive each other crazy. They have just learned to participate in the banter with humour and affection.

I believe that every downturn in life can end up having long-term positive effects. But this hole in the brain thing…how could there be any upside to this?

What I’ve found is that illness has bled away the small stuff of life and revealed that the things we normally fret over are not important at all. I’ve re-found my deep affection for my husband’s self-reliance and firm independence and can laugh at the fact that these are the very attributes that make him a difficult patient to care for. His illness has given me the gift of humour and affection, and these allow me to fully experience my love for him.

It brings new meaning to the phrase “I need that like I need a hole in the head.” You never know what disasters might be great opportunities dressed in ridiculous costumes. Perhaps someday, I will glance back at life itself and feel sincere affection for its zany, hilarious charm.

The link below leads to a TED talk about the brain, illness and the strange strokes of fate that can turn life in a new direction. Not suitable for the medically squeamish!

Questions to consider:

• Have you seen illness have a positive effect on someone close to you?
• Are there “disasters” in your own life that have turned out to be blessings? Has “bad luck” ever pushed you to make major positive change in your life?
• Do you believe that every downturn in life can end up with long-term positive effects? If so, how does this faith affect your life?